Life in the last three months...

I stopped writing on this blog at about the same time I was due to start my first IVF cycle. Not because I didn't like the space that I had created but because constantly writing about my sadness, hopelessness and the hurt that I was going trough at that time was too much. Being in constant awareness of my situation was painful, so I closed the blog. I still read infertility blogs everyday, nodding my head in agreement, letting tears fall down and smiling when I saw a new success story.

Grasping at our last hopes we embarked on our firts IVF cycle in June. It was intense, it was emotional and nerve racking all at the same time. To our surprise they ended up retrieving 14 eggs of which 11 fertilized. It was more that we could have hoped for. They put back two 5 day blasts and then we were to wait two weeks. The hard stuff was out off the way... or so we thought. The next month was nothing but easy. I ended up having a severe case of OHSS that landed me on the ICU for almost two weeks. I was unaware of the symptoms so I chalked it up to the flu or some other stomach bug. After two days of constantly trowing up and not being able to breathe very well I was on my way to the hospital. I gained almost 30 pounds in a matter of days, my lungs and abdomen filled with liquid that had to be drained so I could breathe or eat. I could barely speak or move. It was so scary! Since I live almost three hours from my RE the local doctors dealt with my situation the best they could, which made me even more nervous. I was afraid for my life. The quest of growing our family had thrown us into the unimaginable. That's when I really saw and felt just how far we were willing to go to be able to achieve a dream that for so many comes so easily.

About a week of being in the hospital I received the best news ever. My beta was positive, so that's why my OHSS was so severe. In the middle of all that craziness I had a glimmer of hope. I slowly got better and was released after 12 days in the hospital. And our journey was just beginning. I was so swollen from the liquid I could barely walk but I made it to my RE's office were they did an ultrasound that revealed that SURPRISE! we were having twins. I was shocked, elated, shocked some more, happy and scared. I knew that twins were a strong possibility but it happening to us was so far away from our minds that I was speechless.

The next weeks were a mix of happiness and anxiety. After all we had gone trough, could this be real? Was this it? What we were waiting so desperately for? It all indicated that yes, this was the real thing. The babies continued to grow healthy and strong and we couldn't be happier. I am 13 weeks and 4 days today. I know we have a long way to go, but everyday with this life inside me is a miracle and a blessing that I will never take for granted.

So here we are, gearing for an exciting year, still walking the walk cautiously optimistic that everything will be alright.