I am a 29 year old, soon to be 30 (how? when? huh?) free spirited but often high strung girl, living in a beautiful sunny island with my better half. I will refer to him as A. He is 31 years old and an amazing partner in crime. We have been together for about eight years.
I have spent the last three years bouncing from stirrup to stirrup trying to survive this crazy world of infertility and pregnancy loss.
I have always known that there was something not quite right with my lady parts. My periods were irregular, I was always tired and gained weight by drinking an extra glass of water a day. Crazily enough, I never made the connection between not having a smooth running lady parts system and getting pregnant. I was sure it was going to happen. I mean... that's how things work, right? You have sex and get pregnant, no? No? OK, then. Ignorance was bliss indeed.
We started not really trying but not preventing in 2009. By the end of 2010 nothing had happened, so I made the official "we want a baby" appointment with my OB to see what was going on. She diagnosed me with PCOS, gave me some pills (progesterone pills) and sent me on my merry way promising that I was going to get pregnant. As I walked out of the lobby amongst all those glowing, fertile myrtles I smiled because I was going to be sitting beside them soon. Eh! WRONG! I was on those pills for about six months and obviously nothing was happening. I was starting to get really mad. I felt that my OB wasn't taking my concerns seriously. Wasn't she a woman? Couldn't she understand my biological clock?! Now I know that those progesterone pills were a joke. I mean, were do some of these doctors get their degrees from? Are they familiar with how a woman's body work? I was so frustrated and sad. I said goodbye to my OB and to any other possible treatments. Not knowing that the road ahead was going to be steep and treacherous we let the time pass. I focused on my job and finishing my degree. But nothing could stop that nagging feeling, that side eye I gave every time I saw a pregnant woman or heard yet another joyful pregnancy announcement.
It was time to do something. A and I had a serious discussion and decided to go to the big leagues. We made an appointment with the top RE in our area on January 2012. There he explained to us what was happening with my body and why we hadn't been able to conceive. He was so positive and optimistic that it was hard to not be excited. We started right away with treatments. The cost and stress of it all was shocking but we kept going. Suddenly it dawned on us.... wasn't this supposed to be easier? Wasn't I supposed to be pregnant by now?
I write this almost one year after the start of our fertility treatments. It's been almost four months since we set foot on our RE's office. After a couple of negative cycles and two miscarriages it was just too much. We needed a mental and financial break. So here I am, hoping to start it all over again soon. I don't know when exactly, but we hope to do IVF this year. It's all or nothing. I know IVF isn't 100% guaranteed but we feel that is the best option for us at this stage. We are ready for our happy ending...fingers crossed.
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