Your own advocate

I have never been shy. Lets just get that out of the away. I've always been outspoken and proactive in my day to day life. If I saw something I didn't like you bet I was going to be the first one to do or say something about it. Then I was diagnosed with infertility and that changed. My usual firecracker personality was overshadowed by a blanket of doubt and uncertainty. 

I was intimidated by the process. It all seemed so complicated, too complex, too exhausting. The first couple of months I went to the appointments, listened to what the doctors had to say, nodded and went on my way with a little bag full of goodies (read progesterone suppositories and shots) and a lot of questions still unanswered. I guess there are different types of doctors, the ones that like to communicate and those who don't. I was stuck with the second one. I knew what my diagnosis was, but aside from that I wasn't very outspoken in the process. I felt I wasn't supposed to question or contradict a doctor. I assumed we were in good hands and I left it at that.

As time went on I realized this wasn't a good approach at all. After my first miscarriage that old firecracker spark started coming back. I wanted to know why, the more I knew the better. I know that sometimes consulting Dr. Google can be a little bit tricky but where else could I go? I needed to feel that I was doing something, that I was being an active part of the process, not just a quiet patient. The doctor didn't seemed concerned at first. I guess they see so many cases on a day to day basis, that for them is a normal thing. But for the person that's going trough it, it's heart wrenching and life changing. Then the second miscarriage happened and I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't going  down like that. If we were to continue treatments I was going to do it differently. I became an advocate for myself.

After taking some time away I came back full force. I demanded to have the Laparoscopy and Hysteroscopy. And guess what? They found endometriosis. I demanded to have the Repeated Loss Panel and guess what? It turns out I came back positive for Lupus Anticoagulant, which can certainly cause miscarriages and complications in pregnancy.

Aha! After all the back and forth we had some answers... answers we wouldn't have if I didn't push for the tests.

Now I feel more confident in challenging doctors opinions, because many times they can be too laissez faire. I can't sit idle anymore while my life passes me by. I am in charge. We are in charge. After all we are the ones paying crazy amounts of money, we are the ones being poked and prodded, we are the ones with our dreams and hopes on the line.

So be your own advocate. There is nothing to loose!

Did you know...

                                                                              source

that I've cried myself to sleep more times than I can count?

that I've had my heart broken month after month for the past three years?

that I try to smile trough tears, because it's all I can do sometimes?

that I am infertile?

And all I need is some encouragement and possibly a hug. I don't need empty words or wishes... All I need is your support and understanding...

That's all!

If you want to know more about infertility and how you can support a loved one who is going trough this horrible experience please visit Resolve.

Talk to them honestly and listen to them. It will mean more that you could ever imagine...

National Infertility Awareness Week

So, as many of you may now, this week we celebrate the National Infertility Awareness Week. The slogan for this year is Join the Movement.

But what does this mean?

Joining a movement can mean so many things. It can mean being a part of the dialogue, being an advocate for yourself and spreading the word. Not so long ago the last thing I wanted to talk about was infertility. I knew it was there but I didn't want to acknowledge it. As time went on I realized that I wasn't alone in my journey. I was unknowingly a part of an amazing community. A community of strong willed women and men all around the world. A community of fighters who are leaving no stone unturned in their efforts to build their families. That's when I decided to start writing this blog. I needed to vent and share my story in a place without judgment. By far it has been one of the best decisions I have made in the last year. It has opened up a creative outlet for my emotions and it has also made me realize that there are people out there who understand exactly what I am going through.

So, as far as this year goes I feel like I have "joined the movement". I have made an effort to be more open about our struggles and share our story, both online and in real life. But then a little voice whispers and asks: Are you doing enough? Am I exploiting my full potential as an infertility awareness advocate? Am I educating and reaching enough people? The answer is probably not. Because there are some days in which I am so sick and tired of everything that my first instinct is to throw in the towel. To shut down and wallow in my sadness. There are some days in which I can't bear to spread not even an insightful comment or a quick remark. There are some days in which all I care about is surviving that moment. Then the next day the spark is back and I go in full force. And that's OK. There is no one keeping tabs. We deal as best we can with what life has thrown at us. I have learned that just by living our lives day after day we are amazing. Just by enduring what we have to go through we are an example of strength and willpower. Our resilience is what keeps us going against all odds and that is an incredible movement in itself.